parenting with anxiety

Sometimes I Struggle #BellLetsTalk A Look into an Anxious Mind

Sometimes I Struggle #BellLetsTalk A Look into an Anxious Mind

Sometimes I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. Not because I didn’t get enough sleep, but because I can’t bear to think about what the day might bring.

Sometimes I struggle with getting dressed. Not because I am in pain, but because I can’t be bothered to care.

Sometimes I struggle with being a mom. Not because  I don’t love my kids, but because being a parent is HARD.

Sometimes I struggle with driving my son to school. Not because I don’t want him to go to school, but because I am sure I will get into a car accident.

Sometimes I struggle with grocery shopping. Not because we don’t have the money, but because there are too many people at the store.

Sometimes I struggle with being a good housekeeper. Not because I don’t want a clean house, but because there is not enough time in the day.

Sometimes I struggle with being active. Not because I am lazy, but because I just can’t be bothered.

Sometimes I struggle with being a good friend. Not because I don’t want to see my friends, but because I don’t want to see anyone.

Sometimes I struggle with driving my son to nursery school. Not because he shouldn’t go, but because I might have to interact with people.

Sometimes I struggle with taking my baby for his checkups. Not because I think he doesn’t need them, but because they might ask me how I am.

Sometimes I struggle with being a good wife. Not because I don’t love my husband, but because I am already so frustrated with the rest of the day.

Sometimes I struggle with cooking dinner. Not because I’m not hungry, but because the kids probably won’t eat it anyways.

Sometimes I struggle with going to sleep. Not because I am not tired, but because the weight of the day plagues me.

 

Sometimes I get out of bed, get dressed, drive my son to school, do the grocery shopping, play with my kids, clean my house, work out, visit with my friends, take my son to nursery school, take my baby to his checkups, great my husband with a kiss, cook dinner, and have an early bedtime. 

But sometimes I struggle. 

January 31, 2018, is Bell Lets Talk day. For every applicable text, mobile and long distance call, tweet using #BellLetsTalk, Bell Let’s Talk Day video view on social media, use of the Bell Let’s Talk Facebook frame or Snapchat filter, Bell will donate 5¢ to Canadian mental health initiatives. Let’s work together to create a stigma-free Canada! But more than just today let us work towards a world where it is easier to talk every day. If you or someone you know needs help, please get it.

On January 25, 2017, Bell raised more than $6.1 Million Dollars in support of Mental Health Awareness.

 

This post originaly was written In January 2017.
Sometimes I Struggle #BellLetsTalk A Look into an Anxious Mind

 

Sometimes I Struggle #BellLetsTalk A Look into an Anxious Mind
Posted by Jenn in Lifestyle, 7 comments

Trapped in my own terror.

My boys spend the weekend at their Baba and Papas house. Blayne had to work and I took an art class. These weekends are important for everyone.

  1. They give they boys a chance to grow their relationship with their grandparents
  2. Making memories, in the end that’s all you’re left with
  3. Gives everyone a much-needed break from each other
  4. Let me regain some sanity.

But with these weekends I find that while I hope to regain my sanity, it seems to slip away from me even more. While I am eternally grateful for everything, these are the nights that my anxiety slips into overdrive. I imagine the worst, and what should be a nice relaxing uninterrupted sleep quickly turns into a night of tossing and turning, accompanied by nightmares. At least once during the night I have to get up and check that my children are in fact not home. I run through every scenario possible, each one ending in disaster.

The only thing that can bring me back from my terror is my husband, which is why on the nights that he falls asleep on the couch, or worse, gets called to work; I’m alone in my head. I wish I could say that these were the only times I experienced this. But it hits me all the time, often at the worst times.

But for now, my kids are tucked safely into their beds. I will go check on them to reassure myself that they are perfectly fine, and for the moments I can’t do that. I will always have my husband.

On the bright side I did make this awesome sign!

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Mad Mommy

Posted by Jenn, 0 comments